Subjugation.

I just have this terrible feeling that this is never going to end. That I will always feel this way about you and that this isn't just a phase and everything I feel now is never going away. It's been three years, shouldn't I be over it by now?
In 10 years, I picture myself alone. I picture you with her.
Am I even allowed to be envious?
How did we even end up like this?
I have so many simultaneous emotions and I just cannot describe how I feel.
I have never felt so forgotten and hurt. I always though we were together in this. But I guess not. 
How am I supposed to move on from such sadness?
Every time I'm sad or confused I just try to think of what you would've told me. It never works though. Because in the end, I always realise that I'm just talking to myself and that just makes me feel just as lonely.
You have no idea of how much I care for you, how you make me feel, how much I worry for you, how amazing I think you are. You have no idea of anything. 
I need you, I miss you, I love you, I want you back.
But what am I supposed to do? 

We're just friends. 

Eh bitch

I've probably blogged about hypocrisy and insecurities way too many times on this blog. But who cares, it's my blog.
Just let me start of by saying that everyone is a hypocrite and most people are pretty insecure but there is one girl that takes it to a whole new level. I'm not going to mention her name because I don't want to cause her to be even more "insecure" and/or "emotionally damaged".
People who are insecure tend to put other people down to make themselves feel better, this is exactly what she does. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. Just because someone called you fat like 5 years ago, it doesn't give you the right to call other people fat too. Shouldn't you know what it feels like to be called fat and ugly and all that crap that you claim damaged you? Calling someone a fat fuck won't make anyone feel better. And calling someone ugly won't make your acne scars go away either. (aww yeah you heard me) It's one thing to be honest and to tell someone that they might be a little plump and should try eating healthier and it's another damn thing to be rude and tell them to give up losing weight cause they are what you consider "fat fucks". You claim you say that because according to you, they aren't losing weight the right way. Is your way the "right" way? Is starving yourself and taking laxatives the right way???? I THINK NOT.
Yeah I read your blog and how you're trying so desperately to lose weight and you're taking so many laxatives blah blah blah blah. Yeah, your way of losing weight is totally the right way.
NOT ONLY THIS OK. You then tell everyone that you're insecure. Ok can, you're insecure, you cut yourself blah blah. If you're so insecure, shouldn't you understand what it's like to be upset at yourself for the way you look? Shouldn't you understand what it feels like to be hurt by things that other people say about you? You know it's depressing and you know it's a crappy feeling so why are you doing that to other people?? I've known you for other 6 years and I have never once liked you. And mind you, I am a fucking forgiving person. It's like someone can betray me and hurt me a thousand times and I would still eventually forgive them but you are just horrible and ew, just no. Posting pictures of you cutting yourself doesn't prove ANYTHING. It doesn't prove that you're more depressed than someone and it doesn't prove that your life sucks because it really doesn't. Sleeping around with boys because you're insecure and you just need someone to love you? That's fucking bullshit. Sorry I don't believe in that. Sex does not equate to love. And if you think that it does, then you're really fucking stupid and shallow. Your friends (if you even have any) and your family love you and care about you. If that's not enough love then you can go kill yourself. You complain about your parents and you said to me once, "Look what my mom did to me, look how I turned out.". It's not your mother's fault you turned out like this. Yes, she might have verbally and maybe physically abused you, but she isn't responsible for what kind of a person you are. To a certain extent, yes. But on a whole, not so much. Did you make you get into relationships when you were younger? No. Did she make you sleep with them? No. Did you make or teach you to say mean things to people? No. It's your fucking fault you're a mean bastard, so do something about it. What's the point of blaming your parents for how you turned out? IT'S YOUR LIFE. You fucking make something out of it!! If your parents treat you like shit and tell you that you're worthless, you fucking show them that you aren't! What is the damn point of sitting around and blaming everyone for everything bad that's ever happened to you??? Do yourself and favour and just stop all your bullshit. Half the school doesn't like you, HECK, EVEN TEACHERS DON'T LIKE YOU. You want to know why? You don't have any respect for people. Do you think teachers would yell at you and punish you if you did their work and listened in class? No. You dig deep into your conscience (if you have one) and ask yourself if you've done anything to irritate or piss teachers off. Confirm have right? If you were a teacher, would you want to have a student like yourself? Don't need to think la, the answer is no.
You might say that I don't know you well enough to judge you and all that crap but I don't care. This is the kind of impression you've given me and that is also your fault. Just stop your nonsense and maybe people will start liking you for who you really are..

Wow, that was a really angry rant. I know I am really mean most of the time but meh, who cares.
Also, it's nice to see that people are actually reading my blog, even though I don't understand what any of your comments say... I tried to google translate them but they still don't make any sense, too bad I guess. I hope none of you are like this bitch I just talked about. If you are then please get out of my blog.

Ugh

I think it's really stupid when people go around saying "I don't judge people and neither should you". Okay those aren't the actual words but you get what I mean. Am I the only one who gets annoyed when people say things like that? Am I crazy? No I'm not. You are.
Name me one person that hasn't judged anyone in his/her life. And please don't say God because that's just a fucking stupid answer and he technically isn't a person.
What is the definition of judging someone? Judging is to form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration. How do I know? Google la dumbass. -_-
So technically right, if you see some hot guy walking on the street and you think to yourself "eh he's quite handsome" you're judging his looks. SO TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOU'VE NEVER JUDGED SOMEONE BEFORE. And right, people who don't wanna get judged then don't do things that'll make people assume things about you la!! If I see some half naked girl walking on the street holding hands with five guys obviously I will judge her and think she's a slut right??? Then she'll go home and cry and say oh I don't know why people judge me. BITCH PLEASE. If you don't want people to judge you then don't wear slutty clothes la! SIMPLE. And you ask "What if I'm not a slut but I like wearing slutty clothes?" then TOO BAD. Just accept the fact that people are going to presume you're a slut and stop complaining about it!
Another thing that irks me is when people tell me not to criticise others.
(EXAMPLE)
*watching american idol and someone who has no talent whatsoever starts to sing*
Me: *laughs* he's terrible, he should stop singing.
Annoying asshole: That's rude, also not like you can sing very well
Me: *death stare*
Wah fucking hate it when people say these kinds of things. Why does the show have judges if it's rude to give criticism to the contestants?! How do my singing abilities even matter??? Did I join the show and make a fool out of myself? NO. You think Simon Cowell know how to sing meh?! OBVIOUSLY NOT RIGHT. He just gives constructive criticism and even if it's really mean sometimes, it's 100% true. And don't try to act smart and tell me my criticism isn't constructive. If my criticisms were even the least bit constructive, I would be a judge on a tv show. Am I a judge on a tv show? No.
I rest my case.

I know I just blogged but I just thought I should update you guys since it's been 3 years since I came on here. Ya, I'm assuming people care because I had 12 pageviews today wahahaha!
Okay. Well, I only keep in touch with probably 4 people I've mentioned on this blog? And in case you were wondering, Jill isn't one of them. Let me enlighten you.
Jill basically is a manic who no one likes. She was bored one day and decided to tell everyone I had sex with my best friend (who is a guy) and that I was a slut. Then this bastard still had the cheek to message me nice things. Dumb or what?! You think I don't want to be a slut meh? If I'm a slut means I can get a lot of guys you know. Isn't that a good thing? YOU JEALOUS??? YOU JEALOUS YOU CANNOT GET A BOYFRIEND HUH?! Yeah, she was probably just jealous. But when I first heard it I thought it was the funniest thing ever and decided to confront her. I don't really remember what exactly happened but I know she was losing the fight la. Liars never win! I even saved our fight on Whatsapp to prove to everyone that she's a crazy lying bastard! SMART OR WHAT? I know, thanks. It's quite funny also la. Like if you had a crazy, delusional, full of shit friend you would obviously think she's quite funny right?? No? Maybe it's just me then.
Actually, she's all I wanted to talk about. Maybe it's cause she's so full of shit that I can't even think of anything else to blog after mentioning her in this post. Oh well...

Wow.
It's been 3 years? Has it been 3 years? I really don't remember. Does anyone even read my blog anymore? I really doubt so. Although there have been so many dumbfuck comments on my posts (which I have deleted because they are so stupid and old).
Don't ask me why I decided to blog again.
So much has changed since 2010. I lost a bunch of weight and my face doesn't look as fucked up and noob. Thank god.
I re-read all my old posts and I think I was quite funny leh. Lame la, but for a 12 year old it's not bad okay?! I guess I'll blog when I'm angry cause that's when I'm the most funny. I think.
Hopefully everyone is happy I'm back on blogger now. By everyone I think I mean no one. YA I KNOW NO ONE READS MY BLOG ANYONE OKAY SHUT UP.

It's been awhile.

HELLO.
It has been a really long time since I have blogged. Like about um 50092034934 gazillion years. Stupid bitches who I don't know be spammin' my blog. Heheh.
Recently some weirdo asked me for my number and he then procceed to text me and call me babe then I was all like. Whoa dude don't call me that then he was all like why not then I was like cause I'll call the cops then I totally went all ninja on him. Yeah... (; that's how I fuckin' roll!
I've been watching alot of The Big Bang Theory. It's fucking awesome because Sheldon is my moonpie. <3 Oh so I read on someone's tumblr that there are 30 things every girl wants a guy to do and I must say it is not true at all. THE INTERNET IS LYING LOLOLOLOL.

Okay I don't know if you guys are going to be able to enlarge this shit but I'll just point out the mistakes.

"7. Call her sweetie, not baby."
LOL What's the fucking difference?! I'd rather you call me Jack so I know you're not just giving me a pet name cause you're dating a bunch of other girls and you can't remember my name.

"8. Sing to her no matter how bad your voice is."
Honestly I'd rather you not, because I think if you can't sing and you sing to me, you'd break up with me after I record it and put it on youtube.

"14. Pick her up and act like you're going to drop her and she will scream and yell at you to let her down even though she loves it."
I think if any girl screams and yells for you to put her down she's being a 100% serious. And if you're a loser and you really drop her she's gonna bust your balls....

"29. Play fight with her and let her win."
Now that's just dumb. Every girl would know you're doing that on purpose it's not cute.

Okay end of this fuckery. I conclude that this was either made by a guy himself that thinks he's a fucking smartass and knows that girls want (take note that he is probably single) OR a fucking weird girl that likes people to carry her and then drop her. LOLWUT?!

Drill some logic into your heads.

Okay I know that there are two things you do not talk about, politics and religion. But some people are just stupid and therefore I just have to talk about it.

Let's get one thing striaght.
I believe in God, I just don't believe in religion.
Honestly, it's people like you who give God a bad name.

I like christianity but I can't stand Christians. They talk about "blind faith" as if it's some kind of virtue but blind faith is ignorance and that's a vice. They think that questioning faith leads to "immorality" and "ungodliness" but they fail to realize that if there's even an ounce of truth to their beliefs, questioning their faith will only make it stronger. Nobody has figured it out yet and unless God decesends from the sky to speak to you, nobody will ever have it figured out. The problem with an organized religion is that they think they have it all figured out and they want to tell you what it is. They are never willing to learn anything from what anyone else has to say.
Some bitch told me that me being a freethinker would mean I'm going to hell but look, I reason why I am a freethinker is because I've always found it difficult to practice and believe in something that constantly reminds me of my own death and how everything in my life is trival until death. Or stuff like how life is preparation for the next reality. At first, the basic idea of Christianity seems fine but after two thousand years of nobody being able to provide any evidence that there is a reality after physical death, what's the point?
And another thing with the vulgarities and all. If you were Christian, you shouldn't use it. You shouldn't just use it because you think you can just confess that sin. If you know very well it's a sin and you claim you love God so much then why do you even use it in the first place? You can't just do bad things and think it's okay because you can confess later, that's just bullshit. I know very well that I'm not a very good person and that I have a shitty personality but at least I have the courage to admit it.
Do you?

And look I know that there are really good Christians out there who really believe and who have alot of faith and I really really respect that and I respect them aswell. I just hate those other Christians that don't even care and who just throw their religion and people's faces and wave it around like nobody's busniess.
If you guys were 10% of those christians I respect then you would look at this post and accept it. (Like how you crackheads told me to accept God when I already do)
If you are the 90% of Christians who are bastards, then spam away. I don't use this blog that much anyway.